“YOU & ME” EXERCISE

The “You and Me” exercise is a powerful tool from Karl Jung that explores the idea that what we see in others reflects aspects of ourselves—our projections.

Make sure that you are in a safe, comfortable spot.

• You want to do this in a place where you feel secure and supported. You’ve got the stuff around you that makes you feel safe, and it makes you feel comfortable. So set yourself up there.

Then pick somebody. Pick somebody who is triggering you now.

• It might be somebody in your close circle, a spouse, a child, a boss, or a colleague.
  It might be somebody in the broader world.

STEP 1 – Left Column

• Write, and don’t hold back, write down/type everything about that other person driving you nuts. “They are …” and just go for it. Just let it loose. Be true.
  Make sure all these things are real, but don’t stop the list.

STEP 2 – Right Column

Then flip it: write “I am… I am… I am…”
Write/type the same list, replacing “You” with “I.”
I would write down a complete sentence every time.
And then, if you want to feel this, say it out loud. It is hard, so you want to be in that safe spot.

For example: “You are critical, impatient arrogant” becomes “I am critical, impatient, arrogant”.

Then reflect:

⦁      Which of these traits do you recognise in yourself – fully or partially?
⦁      How might these traits show up in your life (even subtly)?
⦁      Are there situations where these qualities served or protected you?
⦁      Can you show compassion to this part of yourself?

It reveals hidden or denied parts of the self – what Jung called the shadow. Carl Jung’s concept of the shadow refers to the unconscious parts of ourselves that we deny, reject, or suppress—traits we’ve been conditioned to see as “bad,” “weak,” or “unacceptable.”
If you want another Jung quote, here it is: “The gold is in the dark”. The gold is in the dark.

Carl Jung believed that what we reject or fail to accept in ourselves—our shadow—often surfaces in the form of emotional reactions to others. These intense responses (anger, jealousy, contempt, etc.) are often not just about the other person—they reflect unconscious parts of us.

When someone “pushes your buttons,” Jung suggests asking: “What is this reaction really about?” That person might be mirroring something unresolved in your own psyche—something you disapprove of, envy, or deny within yourself.
This is not about blaming yourself; it’s about recognizing projections and reclaiming your emotional power.

Facing these qualities helps integrate and grow beyond them. It’s a path to self-awareness and wholeness.

This practice doesn’t excuse poor behaviour in others—it gives you insight into your inner landscape and helps you become more emotionally resilient, centered, empathetic and authentic.